A few recent entries to the Nametag Challenge got a bit political. For love of freedom, they're up ;)

I just posted a new Examiner article, Authors Arguing: The Harlequin Debate, and while creating the entry I noticed that the Harlequin Horizons site link was dead, as was the link to Author Solutions. Being a total conspiracy theorist, I've come up with a few theories:

1) The zombies, vampires and villains of Harlequin's authors banded together and hired a hacker, completely dismantling Harlequin's efforts to make moolah off of indie authors.

2) It was the universe's response to self-publishing: "They're not yet ready."

3) My Internet provider hates controversy and proper linkage (highly plausible and I suspect that for an additional $50 a month, I'd get access to the sites)

We'll discuss the new Harlequin Horizons controversy with authors Simon Wood, Stacia Kane and Jackie Kessler.

Tune in tonight at 11PM EST!


Book Chatter link

In ABC Nursery School, we put on a play. At four years old, I was chosen to play the Cowardly Lion in our remake of the Wizard of Oz (BTW, I wanted to be Dorothy, but Dorothy was chosen like this: "Who has red sequined shoes?" I should have lied).
So I'm the Cowardly Lion (and now that I think about it, perhaps this role shaped my life in Retail and I'm willing to bet that the girl that played Dorothy isn't working in Retail) and my impression was dead on. I didn't really understand what I was saying, but I had two lines:

"Look at the Cycles under my eyes! I haven't slept in weeks!"
and
"We need cooorage"

(please note, there were two lions in the play, as the ABC class was overbooked)

For the longest time, I really never understood that the lion meant he had CIRCLES under his eyes. If someone looked tired, I thought that the proper term was "Cycles." I think this revelation came to me something like five years ago when they used to play the Wizard of Oz all day on Christmas Day. This is a bit embarrassing, but I also have trouble saying "hotdog" (hutdog) and "birthday" (bertday).

I'm on the hunt for a pill that will numb me completely of my retail woes.

Yesterday, 3PM. The Bank.

Enter The Man Who Thought He Knew It All.

TMWTHKIA: "I want to make this loan payment. And put it through as CASH."
Hol: (stares quizzically at the transaction, because TMWTHKIA handed me a loan payment ticket and a CHECK) "This is a check."
TMWTHKIA: "Yeah, well, just do what I say. That's your job."
Hol: "But this is a check. There is no way for me to pretend it's cash."
TMWTHKIA: "JESUS CHRIST! Everyone else knows how to do it, why don't you?!"
Hol: "Okay."
TMWTHKIA: "I'm never coming back here again."
Hol: (gives finger to man under desk) "Thank you and have a great day."

Now, if I had a retail numbing pill, I would have taken it as soon as I saw this guy enter the bank. He was pre-pissed, and the pre-pissed people are the worst to deal with. The pill would allow me to run the transaction without acknowledging how friggin stupid his demand was. Now that I think about it, I'm really surprised that the bank doesn't offer a pill like this to all of its employees, like a little candy dish of miracle pills on the back counter, allowing them to make us do whatever they wished without question. It's like roofies for retail.

This is the third week of Monday Morning Affirmations. You may ask, does this work? And I'll reply, for about an hour. Still, an hour of peace is worth it. And hey, our Christmas music should be clicking on pretty soon (Silver Bells, 3PM, everyday) so that will help, right?

1) I will allow myself time to breathe while ignoring the lobby of impatient customers.
2) I will acknowledge that there are better jobs out there, and pretend I just got one.
3) I will read my post-dated resignation letter on the home corkboard and hope that the secrets in The Secret work. If not, I will send emails to Oprah and the lady that wrote the Secret to see if there's something I'm missing.

New nametags are up in the Nametag Challenge!